I recently read this fabulous piece by Yashna Maya Padamsee entitled “Communities of Care, Organizations for Liberation”. I found that I had too much to say about it to just post it on facebook so I decided to dust off the ole blog.  I have been thinking, studying, writing, and workshopping about community care for the past 3 years. Unfortunately, I still feel a bit lost on how to tackle these issues, especially if it means simultaneously waging a campaign, planning actions, and going to events. Thankfully, I feel more supported and valued in my current organizing than I did when I was an undergrad doing student organizing.

One of the major obstacles to community care that I have observed (both in myself & in others) is the fear to ask for help. People are afraid to be burdensome or don’t believe they deserve assistance/support. This is because other people don’t ask for help so it is not a community norm ^[1]. This is not only true in activist communities but in society as a whole^[3]. If you ask for help, especially if it is deemed excessive, you face social sanctions (in the form of shame, ridicule, criticism, disapproval and social exclusion).

Community members and organizations don’t make it known that support is available. Many groups would at least try to step up if someone expressed their needs, but people keep quiet. It’s a chicken-and-egg problem and I think we all need to work on breaking the cycle.

A few months ago my White anti-racist group was focusing on the concept of solidarity. As an intro we did a (silent) Theatre of the Oppressed ^[4] activity where a pair posed as ‘hierarchy’ and ‘struggle’. One by one we were asked to either tap someone out of the human sculpture or join to represent ‘solidarity’.  People took different approaches to represent solidarity. Some dismantled ‘hierarchy’ through force/action, some used their privilege to agitate, and others gave support to ‘struggle’.  No one tapped out either ‘struggle’ or hierarchy’.

At the end we discussed the activity and what we noticed. Participants explained their poses. One woman had been on her hands and knees (forming a human bench) behind ‘struggle’ who was crouching. The woman said that she had had done it to support the person that was ‘struggling’- both metaphorically and physically.  She thought that ‘struggle’ was probably getting tired and might want to sit.  The woman posing as ‘struggle’ admitted that she had been tired and uncomfortable. She wasn’t sure if she was permitted to sit and didn’t want to be presumptuous. Neither woman could have vocally offered/asked since it was a silent activity. However, would they have spoken up if they were allowed? Probably not.

Two obstacles stood in the way of truly creating support in this instance.  One, the woman offering support didn’t (couldn’t) verbally express her offer of support. She may have thought it was obvious or understood. Two, the woman acting as ‘struggle’ wasn’t sure how much support she was actually being offered. She felt self-conscious about asking to sit. She didn’t want to be too forward and she didn’t want to be a burden. So she just crouched uncomfortably until the activity was over.

I think the feeling of being presumptuous or becoming a burden is very real for many of us (especially if you don’t carry the entitlement that privilege carries). I often refrain from asking for help because I know that people only have so much to give. I don’t want to use my “help me” tickets until I desperately need them.  In the past year I have seen a few different cases of folks needing more than their close friends are able to give.  I think one important thing to keep in mind is that community care includes caring for those that are caring for others.  Because there is a current lack of community care, people only feel comfortable asking the few people they are close to. This causes the care-giver to become frustrated and burned out.  The care-giver ends up distancing themselves from the people they were helping, confirming the fear that asking for help is burdensome and will result in social isolation.

To be honest, so often people in my community are worn down by kyriarchy and they need help and support as much as the person asking for assistance.  It brings me back to a few years ago when four of my female organizers and I were sitting in the cafeteria feeling downtrodden. We had just realized that we were all seeing a therapist at the counseling center and at least three of us were suicidal. We were pissed off about the emerging male dominance in our organization but had no energy to do anything about it. We gradually dropped out one by one as we became overwhelmed by the men in our chapter, our depression and the lack of community care.

Community care comes in many forms.

Physical assistance -moving help, cooking, fixing or building, hair cutting, car lending, etc.

Emotional/mental support – This can often be less concrete and is usually harder to ask for.  Friends have explicitly asked how they can support me when I am depressed. However, if I am already depressed my first impulse is to tell them to just leave me alone and let me stay in bed all day ^[5].

Economic support- Folks have a lot of problems both asking for and offering economic support/help.  Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha made an extremely brave decision to become a Community Supported Organizer for the Allied Media Conference. I think is a fabulous idea that more folks should try out.

Other ways to provide economic support: Helping with things one would usually have to pay for  such as childcare , moving, repairs, etc.  If you know your friend doesn’t have enough money to eat this month, invite them over to your house for a meal. Offer to take them out for a meal. Offer to help them fill out an application for Food Stamps and wait with them at the benefits office. Sometimes just getting help navigating the bureaucracy can be a huge help.  Small things are very appreciated. I also want to challenge folks to consider income redistribution and be honest with themselves about their class status.

I would love to get some concrete ideas on how to make communities, organizations, and friend groups more focused on community care.  In the meantime, I will work on asking for help when I need it.

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1 A norm is a sociology term that means something that is acceptable social behavior in a group or society. We learn when and where it is appropriate to say certain things, discuss certain topics or wear certain clothes.

3 I grew up in a rural Minnesota community where community care is valued. Asking for help can still be hard, but I know that if I ask for help people will more often than not come through- even if I barely know them. My experience living in a large city and in the suburbs has been drastically different.

4 THEATRE OF THE OPPRESSED (TO) is used by groups of people as a tool for liberation all over the world. Unlike most theatre that divides spectator from actor, TO breaks down that wall to create an interactive theatre experience. Organizers doing TO use the tools of theatre and popular education to dismantle oppression.

5 This is pretty common with mental health situations. I would suggest creating a “mad map”, especially if you have a history of mental health problems.  A mad map is a plan of action for mental health crisis for yourself and your community. It comes from The Icarus Project but I was unable to find any concrete info about it on the web. It is my understanding that it is essentially an advance health care directive. An advance health care directive is a set of instructions stating what actions should be taken for a person’s health in the event that they are no longer able to make decisions due to illness or incapacity.  Create the mad map when you are “healthy” and have a clear head.  It includes things like: “signs that I am getting depressed”, “ways to support me”, “things not to do”. It may also include your wishes concerning medication or institutionalization.

Photo of a woman wearing a t-shirt reading: The Pro-Choice Movement is the radical idea that women own their own bodies

by Robin

Today is the 38th anniversary of the Roe v. Wade ruling that gives people in the United States the right to legal, safe abortions. I’ve had abortion on my mind a lot the past couple days. More than usual, which is saying something, because I work at a sexual health hotline where I talk about abortion pretty much all day long. The hotline I work at offers general information on sexual and reproductive health, but the majority of callers I talk to are young, poor, Black women who are seeking abortions. I have worked there for six months, and in that time I’ve talked to a lot of women in desperate, sad situations. Situations that most people don’t want to think about. Situations that people like Sarah Palin don’t want to acknowledge when they make their self-righteous, moral declarations that abortion is wrong, and/or that women who choose to have an abortion are bad women.

As I was saying, I’ve had abortion on my mind more than usual the past couple days, and that’s because of the breaking story in Philadelphia (where I live and work) about Dr. Kermit Gosnell, a man who ran an abortion clinic in West Philadelphia (my neighborhood) for 30 years. At his clinic, Dr.Gosnell performed illegal, unsanitary procedures. I’m not going to go into all of the horror stories that are emerging, but the report released by a grand jury investigation on Wed states that Dr.Gosnell and his staff used unsanitary equipment, had animals and litter boxes in procedure rooms, performed abortions far past the national legal limit of 24 weeks and 6 days, over-drugged women, restrained women who had changed their minds about the procedure and held them down while they were drugged, and aborted viable fetuses which he would murder if they appeared to be breathing by cutting their spinal chords with a pair of scissors.

Dr. Gosnell’s practices confirm what a lot of anti-choice people think about abortion. And there is no doubt in my mind that they are going to be using this case to push for stricter and stronger legislation restricting women’s right to abortion in Pennsylvania and other states. Pennsylvania already restricts access by requiring people seeking an abortion to go to a 1 hour infosession at least 24 hours before having a procedure. At this infosession, they are read their legal rights about having an abortion, and offered information on alternatives to abortion. PA also restricts access by requiring parental consent or a judicial bypass (where a teenager meets with a judge who determines if they are mature enough to make the decision for themselves) for people under age 18. And they restrict access to their poorest residents by not covering abortion in the state health insurance plans. Abortion is the only routine procedure not covered by the state insurance plans.

It is easy to point a finger at this man and his clinic and say that abortion is bad. It’s easy because it doesn’t require looking at the big picture, at the structural inequalities of our capitalist society that lead people to seek abortion procedures at clinics like this. After reading about the conditions of the clinic, those of us who have never been to a health office like that may be asking ourselves why anyone would go there, would stay there for their procedure. I think I have some insight into why, because I talk to women like them every day.

Getting a legal, safe procedure at a reputable clinic in Philadelphia in the first trimester costs between $350-$450, and that’s at the least expensive clinics. For someone who is in high school, someone who already has 1,2,3,4,8 kids, someone who is working a minimum wage job or who is surviving on welfare, someone who had to move in with their mom cause they couldn’t afford the rent, because their partner was abusing them, because their partner was incarcerated, $350 is a DAMN lot of money. I work a full time job where I make a decent salary, and $350 is a lot of money to me. And let’s not forget that when you go in for that infosession and the procedure itself, you need to take time off of work and/or find someone to watch your kids. The majority of women I speak with already have at least one child, and abortion statistics nationally show that about 60 percent of American women who get an abortion have already given birth to at least one child.

Dr.Gosnell’s clinic was an attractive option to poor, of-color and/or immigrant people because he could set up an informal payment plan (something that, sadly, most reputable clinics cannot offer because they need to be paid upfront to continue to offer the high-quality care that they do), because he would perform abortions after business hours, in the middle of the night, even. And sadly, because abortion is such a taboo topic, many women didn’t know that the conditions of a clinic weren’t supposed to be like that. They didn’t know what a procedure was supposed to be like (i.e. not being so drugged that you wake up hours later, that they’re not supposed to be performed past 24.6 weeks, that a medical procedure (also known as RU-486) consists of two sets a pills asministered over 3-7 days, not a whole handful taken at once.)

The non-profit I work for also offers community education workshops of healthy sexuality. Apparently, we used to offer a lot of them in Philadelphia public schools and in community centers around the city. However, due to the impacts of the financial crisis of the past two years, the school district has cut the funding for programs like ours, and we no longer offer them. In the six months I have worked there, I have done two workshops. Both at these workshops as well as when I speak with teens on our hotline, I am appalled at how little they know about their bodies and their options to prevent pregnancy. Most of them don’t know what ovulation is, much less how to track it. They don’t know that they can get birth control for free and without a parent. Many young women think it is normal to have sex when their partner wants to and they do not. How else will they “keep” him*?

Patriarchy, heteronormativity, white supremacy and poverty all deeply affect the way the young women I talk to move through the world, the kind of relationships they partake in, the sexual choices they make, and the options they see available to them as far as preventing pregnancy. The fact that so many young women have unplanned pregnancies is not their fault, so let’s stop blaming them. I am certainly not trying to deny their agency to make decisions for themselves, but I do think that we need to acknowledge how centuries of structural oppression affects their lives.

The organization I work for and many others throughout the city reported Dr.Gosnell’s clinic to the city and state government many times. Women whom he had given bad procedures successfully sued him. His clinic was inspected in the 80s and 90s. The government knew what was going on, and they let it happen. They did this because in our capitalist society, poor women of color are not valued. If they were, maybe the funding would be there to teach them about safer sex so they wouldn’t be turning to a place like Dr.Gosnell’s clinic later down the road.

Please check out some great analysis by other bloggers:

On second thought about Kermit Gosnell
http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2011/01/21/on-second-thought-about-kermit-gosnell/

Abortion clinic horror in Philly highlights need for more access
http://www.thegrio.com/health/abortion-clinic-horror-in-philly-highlights-need-for-more-access.php

NARAL Pro-Choice’s twitter feed has more:
https://twitter.com/ProChoiceNY

*Just want to acknowlege the heteronormativity in my use of “him”, however most of the young women I talk to are dating and having sex with men, and I think it is important to highlight how patriarchy affects their relationships.

This post is in response to this post on Feministe. This is post is framed around race. I have a lot of white privilege and its the issue I feel most responsible for.  However, these tips can apply to any “ism” or fucked-up comment.

I am trying to work on calling out racist family members, but confronting it is still a struggle for me. I believe it is (my) white people’s responsibility to confront/educate other whites, especially relatives. POCs should not be burdened with the sole responsibility to confront racism and/or educate white folks.  They have enough shit to deal with.

It may not change a relative’s mind to call them out on a racist comment, but they may think twice about saying something racist in front of you again. Second, by calling a family member out, everyone else in the room sees that it is not okay to say racist (or other fucked-up) shit.  This includes family members who are also likely to say racists things, thought it was racist but didn’t say anything and most importantly, young folks in the room. I want my nieces and nephew to know a comment is racist, that it’s not okay to say racist things, that they too can confront racism. I want to help them develop good race politics.

Different situation require different strategies.  Is the racism blatant or more covert? Was the comment malicious in intent or just ignorant (like grandma talking about that “nice oriental woman” who does her nails)?  Did a family a member present one of the tenants of being an “open-minded” non-racist white person? (color blindness, positive stereotypes/myths, etc)  All of these happen in varying degrees in our families and they are all problematic.

So your ___(fill in the blank) says something racist at the dinner table. What do you do?

Suggestions/Strategies:

1) Pull aside
-Calling someone out in front of the rest of your family may not be possible or productive.  Who wants to be publicly shamed? You might want to talk to a family member after the fact. Pull them aside and address the issue.
-Explain why their comment was racist.

2) Name it
-Be very careful how you approach this one. Using the word “racist” immediately makes people defensive.  Remember to frame as an action, not their being. “what you said is racist” vs. “you are racist” (Jay Smooth on this distinction:
http://www.illdoctrine.com/2008/07/how_to_tell_people_they_sound.html)
-Explain why their comment was racist

3)Use feelings
-Let the other person know that talk like that makes you uncomfortable or bothers you. Let them see your emotions, even let yourself cry.  Explain why their words are so hurtful.

4) Offer information
-Casually offer up information.  ”Its funny you mention that, I actually just read an article about welfare statistics. The largest racial group is white people and most women have 1 or 2 children.” This may help reduce defensiveness. It’s also informational!
-Along these lines, you could also give an alternative explanation or perspective. (ex. Cousin Binsey: “All immigrants should go back to their own country” You: “Some people have been in this country their whole life, their parents brought them when they were babies. This IS their country.” or something along those lines)

5) Ask them to cite their source
-This is the alternate to ‘offer information.’ If the racist comment is an untrue fact or myth you could ask your family member where they heard that info or if they can prove their statement.  This is especially helpful if you know what they said was wrong/racist but don’t personally know much about the issue. If they can back up their statement, give them the benefit of the doubt, go look it up, and revisit the issue

6) Make a point or relate it to some value they hold true
-Ex. If a family member makes a derogatory comment about immigrants mention that their grandmother was an immigrant. If your sister is married to a black man ask your parents if they think their son-in-law fits that stereotype, etc.
-Connect how what they are saying goes against one of their deeply held beliefs Aren’t we all God’s children? Does that follow the Golden Rule? Don’t you believe in free speech? Isn’t that what Democracy is about? Etc

7) Pretend not to understand
-ask them to explain what they mean by their comment -many times this results in embarrassment

8  ) Ignore
- If someone directly asks you a question or makes a statement that is racist just ignore them.
-You may not have power in a situation and cannot call someone out but do NOT play along with them. Don’t laugh at their jokes or agree with problematic sentiments.
-Pretend you didn’t hear or understand them. If the conversation is about Obama being a terrorist, for instance, start inserting totally unrelated statements into the conversation as though that is what we are talking about: “I completely agree – Zimbabwe’s inflation rate is really a problem.” It will throw people off enough to change the subject, or at the very least annoy them. (Thanks for this one feministe commenter Rita!)

9) Get a Holiday Buddy! (use this one in tandem with other strategies)
-It is helpful if you have an ally at the table.  Do you have a cool aunt that might back you up? A sibling, cousin? Take advantage of that support.
-Keep a friend on speed-dial, someone who you can call if you need support or to vent when you are infuriated with your family.

10) Leave! (or Don’t Go At All!)
-This may be the only option when you have exhausted your other options, a last-ditch effort if you will.  This option may be easier for some than others, depending on how close you are to your family and if they have things to hold over you (like paying your tuition or if you are a teen and have less autonomy).  If you do get to the point where you need to leave or refrain from going at all, the most important thing is make sure your family knows WHY you are leaving or not coming.  A boycott doesn’t work if no one knows about it.

Things to keep in mind:
(obviously these are not universal, different people and situations require different things)

1) Try to be as non-judgmental as possible. After all, you are not perfect and have probably said or done racist things in your life too.

2) Speak from personal experiences (use ‘I’ statements). Explain that you are still working on being less racist, that its hard but necessary work.

3) Avoid “should”ing people (“you should___”)

4) Be careful about policing language, especially when folks are just starting out.  Let them make some mistakes. Analyze intention.

5) This doesn’t need to be an hour conversation. You can refute what they are saying and then change the subject to something else. It can be casual.

6) It helps to understand where people are coming from.  Someone may have had a negative experience with a person of color (maybe they believed they were passed over for a job because of affirmative action for instance) and project those feelings onto a whole race of people. This doesn’t make it okay obviously, but it may help you to reach them. Validating how they feel may help them come around to the issue.

7) Be kind. Stay calm. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. If you get in a yelling match with someone don’t expect them to come around to your side.

8  ) Offer support -”If you ever need to talk about this or need support, let me know.”

9) Be aware of your body language. Use open, non-threatening/defensive body language.

10) Relate the situation to some oppression that person may experience (gender, sexuality) or some marginalized group they identify with

11) Listen, Listen, Listen

12) Take care of yourself. Don’t beat yourself up to much.

13) This a marathon, not a sprint. You aren’t going to change your relatives in the span of one Thanksgiving meal.

>>>This list is a work in progress, as am I.  If you have constructive criticism or suggestions I would love to hear them. Tips to add? Let me know!<<<

***I have collected these suggestions from various outlets as well as my own experience. These sources include a Whites Confronting Racism Workshop though Training for Change, my work in Whites In Anti-Racist Solidarity (WIARS), and the tips and suggestions from the comments section of the Feministe post.***

WHAT: Philly BDS (Boycott, Divestment, Sanctions), a new coalition working to end Israeli Apartheid, surprised store shoppers and employees at the Fresh Grocer with a choreographed flash dance Sunday.
Performers sang their message to stop buying and stop selling Sabra and Tribe hummus products because of their connection to human rights abuses of Palestinians.

See the Flash Dance: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6dO9eVOY2I

WHY: Sabra & Tribe products subsidize Israeli human rights abuses through their support of the Israeli Defense Forces and infrastructure of the occupation, respectively.

“As a customer and a Jew, I hope that Fresh Grocer will heed the concerns of it’s community members and consider ceasing to distribute these products. Not only would this a be a huge step toward supporting the human rights of Palestinians and working for a more just and peaceful Middle East, it would also serve to educate the community about the power of our consumer choices,” says Hannah Schwarzschild, a member of Philly BDS.

“This campaign marks a new and exciting era of Philadelphia’s involvement in the growing global BDS movement, which is building strong support amongst labor unions, NGOs, religious organizations,
universities, grocery stores, and individuals worldwide,” says Mendal Polish, another member of Philly BDS.

WHO: Philly BDS is creative partnership, including Muslim, Jewish, and Christian, and Arab organizations working to stand up for human rights in Israel/Palestine.

WHAT CAN I DO?

* Share the video with your networks! Make it go viral!

* Tell your friends to stop buying Sabra and Tribe products and buy local!

* Endorse this campaign as organizations or individuals (see www.phillybds.org to endorse)

* Bring this campaign to your community (see www.phillybds.org for Toolkit)

CAMPAIGN ENDORSERS:
Philadelphia Jews for a Just Peace; SUSTAIN!: Stop U.S. Tax Aid to Israel Now!; Adalah-NY: The New York Coalition for the Boycott of Israel; Al Quds Day Organizing Committee; Brandywine Peace Community; Build Bridges Not Walls: Grandparents for Peace in the Middle East; Catholic Worker Philadelphia Chapter; Global Women’s Strike-Philadelphia; Hudson Valley BDS; Ilm Institute, Ink Paper Mosaic, Jews Say No!; Lancaster Avenue Autonomous Space; Middle East Crisis Response; Network of Arab-American Professionals in Philadelphia; Nico Amador, Training for Change; Oppression.org; Payday Men’s Network; Temple Students for Justice in Palestine; Whites in Anti-Racist Solidarity; and Working Group for a Grassroots Movement.

Philly BDS: “No Justice, No Chickpeas”

http://www.phillybds.org/

–I wrote this last spring but have been sitting on it awhile– 

I recently had a meeting with my supervisor and the program manager (the highest ranking person at my office/branch) about my slipshod paperwork.  For my job I need to write a “progress note”  for every client session I have and then turn them in by 9am every Monday at the office (I work at a school and only go to the office for this reason).  The progress notes are complicated and there are about a billion rules because if it isn’t perfect then Community Behavioral Health (CBH) will refuse to pay for that session and my organization loses that money (because they are still required to pay me for that session).  So if something is incorrect they make you rewrite the progress note and turning in paperwork late is frowned upon.

Anyways, I had handed in things late, forgotten to fill out sections of the paperwork and lost some of the notes (although it turned out they had gotten misfiled and it was not my fault). So there I was, sitting with my superiors, waiting for the ax to fall.  They were actually fairly nice and understanding but the result was that I have to take documentation training again* and my job security is slightly less stable.

Throughout the meeting I felt like trying to explain myself -my mind was screaming “I CAN’T HELP IT! I’M TRYING!”- but I held my tongue because it would have been more detrimental than helpful to explain myself. The thing is, I have ADD & clinical depression.  These two things manifest in my career/job in these ways:

1) We are supposed to do paperwork during the last 15 minutes of our sessions. This is really hard for me to do in a room full of kids because of the continual distractions.  Even if I’m sitting at home with no distractions (ha!) it takes me at least 30 minutes to write a progress note properly.

2) I procrastinate like no other. Our 9am deadline is strict but I still put it off to the last minute -staying up late on Sundays, getting up extremely early Monday mornings, or on really bad weeks trying to write notes at the stoplights on my way to work.  I have even called in sick to work on a Monday because there was no way I was going to get my notes done in time.  It’s honestly a sad state of affairs.**

3) Problems with time management- I get up in plenty of time to get ready for work yet I still seem to manage to rush out the door late. Wake up half-hour earlier? Still rushing. I’m usually on time but at least one day a week I’m 5 to 10 minutes late. And its fucking stressful to always be rushing.

4) I lose things. Its inevitable. My actual paperwork, the notebook I write notes in, etc.

5) Some days I can’t go to work because I am too depressed. This may seem ridiculous to people that don’t have depression – “buck up! pull yourself together and just do it!” – but that is easier said than done.

So, lets recap. Absenteeism, lateness, and losing things. Paperwork that is less than stellar due to rushing.*** These aren’t exactly qualities one looks for in an employee. Theoretically my employers should be sympathetic to the nature of depression/ADD since that is one of the populations we work with (along with kids with ASDs) but how would one even go about asking for accommodations? Dear Employer, I would appreciate it if you allow me to be late, miss days and turn in late/shoddy paperwork??

That said, I may have some shortfalls but I am still kickass at my job.  I have a lot of great job qualities.  I’m good with my clients. I’m loyal. I love my job^ even though I have to put up with all kinds of shit, etc. I treat my clients like human beings with agency (although that is probably a more important quality to me than to my employer).

One reason it took me forever to post this was because writing this post made me feel like I was just complaining/whining, I am blaming my actions on this condition that doesn’t really exist, I am just being lazy and irresponsible.  These are the things I have been told my whole life by my family (especially my father), teachers, friends, as well as society as a whole.  My fatness intersects with my ADD/depression so that the lazy message becomes a whole new monster (i.e. -Hey fatass, why don’t you get out of bed and do something productive/worthwhile instead of being so LAZY).  I have internalized these messages to the point that deep down I still believe them even though I know logically they are fucked up.  Here’s hoping that slowly, someday I will be able to fully shed all these fucking oppressive messages that have been/still are shoved down my throat.

——

*its about 5 months later and they haven’t mentioned repeating the training again…and I doubt it will come up again as the program manager has quit

**since I first wrote this I have sold my car and take public transportation. It is impossible to take public transportation to the office and then to my school due to time contraints and bus schedules. So now I either need to have my paperwork done by Friday so I can go to the office then (or send it with a co-worker) or I need to borrow a friends car (thanks Robin!)

***Last week my supervisor told me I write excellent progress notes, which made me feel great, but I still frequently make careless mistakes

^Since writing this I have started to hate my job and am currently looking for something new.  The commute is long, I don’t get paid enough, hours can be inconsistent and the actual work is starting to burn me out.  My job description has changed a bit so now I have to write 3 times as many progress notes.  They will only pay me for an hour of administrative time for writing paperwork outside of school. So this means I do 2-7 hours of unpaid work per week.

About Schooldays: I work in a school which means I can see first hand how gender, race, and other forms of oppression are reinforced (but also sometimes smashed!). This series is a quick glance at things I hear or see in school that are funny, fucked up, or just plan fantastic.

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I saw this picture in a 5th grade display about science. I regret not including the cat in the picture, I was taking it with my phone and wanted to get as close to the text as possible.

text in pic reads: My scientist is studying a cure for a huge cat. You notice scientists don't have to be boys.

I wish I had an analysis about the gendered workplace when I was 11!

“Gay”* Suicides.

Basically any queer or straight ally has been seeing the issue everywhere -facebook, blogs, youtube, newspapers. What I have thought about most in these past two weeks is the amount of press this issue is getting. Let’s be clear, this isn’t something new nor (speculatively) that unusual.  In  2007,  4,140 youth ages 14-24 succeeded in committing suicide.   That is a little over 11 suicides per day.  My guess is that at least one out of the eleven is either queer, trans or gender-nonconforming to some degree.  The media/blogs have been talking about the recent ‘rash’ of suicides.  Six gay* suicides in less than a month. Sounds a little low to me actually.  So what gives?

Now, I want to make it clear that I am pleased as punch that this is getting nationwide coverage, that queers are mobilizing around it.  Harassment, depression, self-harm is an extremely important issue that affects a good majority of queer youth.  Mostly I am just asking- why now? what conditions made this possible?

Perhaps most kids that are having issues with their sexuality or gender aren’t open about either their orientation or the fact that they are being bullied? (be it because they haven’t figured out what their sexuality or gender is, they are unhappy about their sexuality/gender, they face pressure from parents and family to fit into our cis/heterocentric culture, they face harassment at school because of their real or perceived gayness, etc)   Is the issue of bullying more in the public eye in general? What?  I’d love to hear people’s thoughts on this one.

Even if we eliminate bullying in schools it isn’t going eradicate suicides & attempted suicides or the depression, general low self-esteem & self-hatred that queer youth experience.  I wasn’t out to myself, let alone anyone else in high school but I had closeted gay friends and I was a fatty. I don’t remember any instances of getting teased to my face about being fat but it was pretty hard to ignore the overwhelming message that fat was bad and I was less of a person for being fat. I would be happier if I was thin, boys would want to date me, and people would like me more. Not to mention I would have an easier time finding clothes and interacting with my mother.  No one needed to talk about it. I knew my place.

I feel like it was the same for my gay male friends. They weren’t out and they new better than to come out.  There was probably a better chance of someone else hurting them before they even got the chance to hurt themselves.  There wasn’t much outright bullying, just a lot of silencing.  I would be happier if I was straight, I would be able to date, and more people would like me.  A lot of self-hate and erosion of self-esteem.  People used “gay” in a derogatory manner all the time, usually not towards a classmate. People talked about how gross gay people were. Mix in some of the religious anti-gay stuff. Etc, etc.  You knew your place. Period.

And honestly? A lot of that hasn’t changed for me. Except now I get the fat shame AND the gay silencing. Hooray!  I’m not out at work, and considering I work with kids it would probably be frowned upon.  I spend every workday among kids who are continually using derogatory language towards gay folks and anyone else that is an “other”. My 10 year old client told a classmate (that he had been calling gay since the beginning of school) that he had AIDS because he was gay.  Yet when I mentioned to his mom that she might want to discuss the ‘gay issue’ with him because he kept calling peers names she told me that he wasn’t old enough. Right.  I no longer want to be thin and I sure as hell don’t want to be straight. But that doesn’t mean I don’t hold some resentment about the shit I get for the way I move through the world.

Not Getting Better

The other part of this issue that has been getting a lot of web time is Dan Savage’s It Gets Better project.  I have mixed feelings, even more so after doing some online reading of critiques of the project.  When I first heard of the project my mind went- oh yes, how inspiring for youth.  What a great project. I feel a weird uneasiness about it.  Then I went to a talk by Against Equality and I realized why I felt uneasy. For me? It hasn’t really gotten better. For the most, part my life has gotten significantly worse in numerous ways**.  I read a critique of the project and came to FUCK THAT STUPID PROJECT.  I kept reading and came across this post which gave me some more food for thought as well as solidified my thoughts about my first asterisk point*. My jets started to cool a bit. Finally I read this post and my feelings became all jumbled again.

So where have I landed?  I will assume Dan Savage is coming from a good place with this one.  However, his message doesn’t apply to my (adult) life or many other adult queers (although I’m only 23, I’m still a youth, does that mean it’s going to get better?) and I’m assuming that it doesn’t relate to a lot of queer youth. If it really “gets better” then why do suicide rates increase as folks get older (until about age 50, then they start declining again)? I’m not comfortable lying to teens just because they are younger than me.  That said, the project does relate to some youth -I can think of at least one friend from high school that might have benefited from Dan Savage’s message. And the contributions and adaptations that other folks have submitted have made the project worthwhile to me.  Granted, I doubt any of them will get as much coverage as Dan and Terry’s video.

I’m also willing to give credit where credit is due- Savage has brought a lot of attention to the issue.  As a critical response to It Gets Better, the GSA Network has introduced Make It Better which asserts that youth don’t need to wait til they are out of high school for things to get better…they can make it better NOW (honestly I don’t know much about the project so I’m not giving it my stamp of approval or anything).

Mostly, I am just  THRILLED that for once we aren’t talking about gay marriage or DADT.  Although folks still manage to lump it in somehow***.  Gay kids won’t kill themselves if they have the ability to get married someday! Or get to kill OTHER people as long as they can do it as openly gay.  Even if what they really need, what may reduce suicides and improves things right now, is to reduce the shit that gets thrown at these kids, not the promise of wedded bliss in the future. Even in the future, things aren’t going to “get better” just because they can get married. Job security, healthcare, housing, access to resources, the ability to live openly as a queer person.  I find those slightly more important than marriage. But maybe thats just because I am a member of the Order of Fat Curmudgeonly Feminist Hermits.

BTW, sorry for the excess of links!

————————————————————————————————————————————–

*most of the youth who killed themselves did so after experiencing significant homophobic bullying and harassment…but just because their tormentors said they were gay doesn’t mean that they were. some? yes. all? maybe, but we don’t know that for sure and the only people we can ask are unavailable for questioning. Hell, THEY might not even have known because I know I didn’t when I was 13 or 15.  Perceived gayness can cause just as many problems for youth in schools.

**And better in a lot of ways as well, blah blah blah

***aka Sarah Silverman’s message “Dear America, when you tell gay Americans that they can’t serve their country openly, or marry the person that they love, you’re telling that to kids, too. So don’t be fucking shocked, and wonder where all these bullies are coming from that are torturing young kids, and driving them to kill themselves because they’re different. They learned it from watching you.”  As problematic as the first sentence is, I wholeheartedly agree with the last two sentences. Kids don’t just come up with this anti-gay shit on their own.

I just read a poem by Lenelle Moïse about Antoine Dodson and she writes:

antoine, a whole nation calls you viral
but you were the one who named 
the sickness
“they’re raping everybody out here”
alas
i know this to be true

It made me think a lot about how statements are delivered and how seriously we take them. Is it credible? Are they an academic, an expert? Does it really matter?  Its true “they” ARE raping everybody out here. As most of my readers already know, sexual assault is extremely prevalent* and I believe is more prevalent against POCs**.  Its no doubt that what he is saying is true, but how he said it and the fact that he is poor and black made him a butt of many a joke -I don’t think I really need to do more analysis on this one considering it has been covered by numerous blogs and folks that have better race analysis than I.

This thought process brought me to something more connected to my life. It made me think about how my client*** believes that the school & his after school program are trying to poison the food & hurt the kids that eat it. It sounds ‘crazy’ and I  usually try to change the subject because he usually does it when someone across the table from him is eating said food (this might be a good time to mention that he also talks about it being poop as well).  However, I’m not about to lie to him and tell him that the food is great and healthy and he should eat it.  Because at its base level, his claim is basically true (not the poop part). If you look at a Philadelphia school lunch it is complete crap. They use the bottom of the barrel fruit (if there is fruit offered) and everything else is prepackaged and reheated blobs of disgusting. They never serve vegetables besides starches (corn & potatoes) unless you count the tomato sauce on the various meat creations. They push either milk (which is pretty shitty considereing like 95 percent of Asians and like 60 to 80 percent of African Americans are lactose intolerant as adults -i think its slightly lower when they are children^) or juice (which I’m sure is mostly sugar). Point is -we ARE fucking poisoning our kids! But my client is just a crazy ASD kid so we shouldn’t believe anything he says right? Antoine Dodson is just some poor black dude from the projects so clearly he has nothing worthwhile to say either.

I could go on and offer a lot more analysis and examples, but as I mentioned, this was just supposed to be a quick email to a friend, not a blog post!

—————————————————————————————————————————————

*In terms of general statistics 1 of 6 U.S. women and 1 of 33 U.S. men has experienced an attempted or completed rape as a child and/or an adult. Other reports claim this number is higher. I could do a whole post about rape statistics, but that is not what this is about.

**I’m writing this in MN and I don’t have access to my books about rape that have credible statistics. I am almost positive however that certain racial groups experience sexual assault at higher rates (especially Native Americans).  I did a little online research that gave various percentages (also, some where given as percent of x group have experienced sexual assault  while others were x percent of all sexual assaults are committed against x group -which makes comparing statistics difficult)

***I work as a TSS for kids along the autism spectrum. This particular client is 9 and has a diagnosis of asperger’s syndrome among other things.

^I don’t remember where I got this or how correct the statistics are -my point is that the percentage of folks that are lactose intolerant is quite high and maybe we should question the power the milk industry has in our schools.

[trigger warning for victim blaming]

#43: Tips by RJ of Riot Nrrd

 

I just discovered Riot Nrrd and I fell in LOVE with it. Check out the archives here.  I hope you love it as much as I do! I promise there will be more posts on here soon! Don’t hesitate to contact us if you want to do a guest post!

                      QUEERS READ THIS

         A leaflet distributed at pride march in NY
              Published anonymously by Queers

                         June, 1990

   How can I tell you. How can I convince you, brother,
sister that your life is in danger:  That everyday you wake
up alive, relatively happy, and a functioning human being,
you are committing a rebellious act. You as an alive and
functioning queer are a revolutionary.
   There is nothing on this planet that validates, protects
or encourages your existence.  It is a miracle you are
standing here reading these words.  You should by all rights
be dead.  Don't be fooled, straight people own the world and
the only reason you have been spared is you're smart, lucky
or a fighter.
   Straight people have a privilege that allows them to do
whatever they please and fuck without fear.  But not only do
they live a life free of fear; they flaunt their freedom in
my face.  Their images are on my TV, in the magazine I
bought, in the restaurant I want to eat in, and on the
street where I live.  I want there to be a moratorium on
straight marriage, on babies, on public displays of
affection among the opposite sex and media images that
promote heterosexuality.  Until I can enjoy the same freedom
of movement and sexuality, as straights, their privilege
must stop and it must be given over to me and my queer
sisters and brothers.  Straight people will not do this
voluntarily and so they must be forced into it.  Straights
must be frightened into it. Terrorized into it.  Fear is the
most powerful motivation. No one will give us what we
deserve.  Rights are not given they are taken, by force if
necessary.  It is easier to fight when you know who your
enemy is.  Straight people are your enemy.  They are your
enemy when they don't acknowledge your invisibility and
continue to live in and contribute to a culture that kills
you. Every day one of us is taken by the enemy.  Whether
it's an AIDS death due to homophobic government inaction or
a lesbian bashing in an all-night diner (in a supposedly
lesbian neighborhood).

               AN ARMY OF LOVERS CANNOT LOSE

   Being queer is not about a right to privacy; it is about
the freedom to be public, to just be who we are.  It means
everyday fighting oppression; homophobia, racism, misogyny,
the bigotry of religious hypocrites and our own self-hatred.
(We have been carefully taught to hate ourselves.)  And now
of course it means fighting a virus as well, and all those
homo-haters who are using AIDS to wipe us off the face of
the earth.  Being queer means leading a different sort of

                                                            2

life.  It's not about the mainstream, profit-margins,
patriotism, patriarchy or being assimilated. It's not about
executive directors, privilege and elitism.  It's about
being on the margins, defining ourselves; it's about gender-
fuck and secrets, what's beneath the belt and deep inside
the heart; it's about the night.  Being queer is "grass
roots" because we know that everyone of us, every body,
every cunt, every heart and ass and dick is a world of
pleasure waiting to be explored.  Everyone of us is a world
of infinite possibility. We are an army because we have to
be.  We are an army because we are so powerful.  (We have so
much to fight for; we are the most precious of endangered
species.)  And we are an army of lovers because it is we who
know what love is.  Desire and lust, too.  We invented them.
We come out of the closet, face the rejection of society,
face firing squads, just to love each other! Every time we
fuck, we win.  We must fight for ourselves (no one else is
going to do it) and if in that process we bring greater
freedom to the world at large then great.  (We've given so
much to that world:  democracy, all the arts, the concepts
of love, philosophy and the soul, to name just a few gifts
from our ancient Greek Dykes, Fags.)  Let's make every space
a Lesbian and Gay space. Every street a part of our sexual
geography. A city of yearning and then total satisfaction.
A city and a country where we can be safe and free and more.
We must look at our lives and see what's best in them, see
what is queer and what is straight and let that straight
chaff fall away!  Remember there is so, so little time.  And
I want to be a lover of each and every one of you.  Next
year, we march naked.
                           ANGER

   "The strong sisters told the brothers that there were two
important things to remember about the coming revolutions,
the first is that we will get our asses kicked.  The second,
is that we will win."
   I'm angry.  I'm angry for being condemned to death by
strangers saying, "You deserve to die" and "AIDS is the
cure." Fury erupts when a Republican woman wearing thousands
of dollars of garments and jewelry minces by the police
lines shaking her head, chuckling and wagging her finger at
us like we are recalcitrant children making absurd demands
and throwing temper tantrum when they aren't met.  Angry
while Joseph agonizes over $8,000 a over for AZT which might
keep him alive a little longer and which makes him sicker
than the disease he is diagnosed with.  Angry as I listen to
a man tell me that after changing his will five times he's
running out of people to leave things to.  All of his best
friends are dead. Angry when stand in a sea of quilt panels,
or go to a candlelight march or attend yet another memorial
service.  I will not march silently with a fucking candle
and I want to take that goddamned quilt and wrap myself in
it and furiously rend it and my hair and curse every god

                                                            3

religion ever created.  I refuse to accept a creation that
cuts people down in the third decade of their life.
   It is cruel and vile and meaningless and everything I
have in me rails against the absurdity and I raise my face
to the clouds and a ragged laugh that sounds more demonic
than joyous erupts from my throat and tears stream down my
face and if this disease doesn't kill me, I may just die of
frustration.  My feet pound the streets and Peter's hands
are chained to a pharmaceutical company's reception desk
while the receptionist looks on in horror and Eric's body
lies rotting in a Brooklyn cemetery and I'll never hear his
flute resounding off the walls of the meeting house again.
And I see the old people in Tompkins Square Park huddled in
their long wool coats in June to keep out the cold they
perceive is there and to cling to whatever little life has
left to offer them. I'm reminded of the people who strip and
stand before a mirror each night before they go to bed and
search their bodies for any mark that might not have been
there yesterday.  A mark that this scourge has visited them.
   And I'm angry when the newspapers call us "victims" and
sound alarms that "it" might soon spread to the "general
population." And I want to scream "Who the fuck am I?" And I
want to scream at New York Hospital with its yellow plastic
bags marked "isolation linen", "ropa infecciosa" and its
orderlies in latex gloves and surgical masks skirting the
bed as if its occupant will suddenly leap out and douse them
with blood and semen giving them too the plague.
   And I'm angry at straight people who sit smugly wrapped
in their self-protective coat of monogamy and
heterosexuality confident that this disease has nothing to
do with them because "it" only happens to "them." And the
teenage boys who upon spotting my Silence=Death button begin
chanting "Faggot's gonna die" and I wonder, who taught them
this? Enveloped in fury and fear, I remain silent while my
button mocks me every step of the way.  And the anger I fell
when a television program on the quilt gives profiles of the
dead and the list begins with a baby, a teenage girl who got
a blood transfusion, an elderly baptist minister and his
wife and when they finally show a gay man, he's described as
someone who knowingly infected teenage male prostitutes with
the virus. What else can you expect from a faggot?
   I'm angry.
                       QUEER ARTISTS

   Since time began, the world has been inspired by the work
of queer artists.  In exchange, there has been suffering,
there has been pain, there has been violence.  Throughout
history, society has struck a bargain with its queer
citizens:  they may pursue creative careers, if they do it
discreetly.  Through the arts queers are productive,
lucrative, entertaining and even uplifting.  These are the
clear-cut and useful by-products of what is otherwise
considered antisocial behavior.  In cultured circles, queers

                                                            4

may quietly coexist with an otherwise disapproving power
elite.
   At the forefront of the most recent campaign to bash
queer artists is Jesse Helms, arbiter of all that is decent,
moral, christian and amerikan.  For Helms, queer art is
quite simply a threat to the world.  In his imaginings,
heterosexual culture is too fragile to bear up to the
admission of human or sexual diversity.  Quite simply, the
structure of power in the Judeo-Christian world has made
procreation its cornerstone. Families having children
assures consumers for the nation's products and a work force
to produce them, as well as a built-in family system to care
for its ill, reducing the expense of public healthcare
systems.
   ALL NON-PROCREATIVE BEHAVIOR IS CONSIDERED A THREAT, from
homosexuality to birth control to abortion as an option. It
is not enough, according to the religious right, to
consistently advertise procreation and heterosexuality ...
it is also necessary to destroy any alternatives.  It is not
art Helms is after .... IT IS OUR LIVES!  Art is the last
safe place for lesbians and gay men to thrive.  Helms knows
this, and has developed a program to purge queers from the
one arena they have been permitted to contribute to our
shared culture.
   Helms is advocating a world free from diversity or
dissent. It is easy to imagine why that might feel more
comfortable to those in charge of such a world.  It is also
easy to envision an amerikan landscape flattened by such
power.  Helms should just ask for what he is hinting at:
State sponsored art, art of totalitarianism, art that speaks
only in christian terms, art which supports the goals of
those in power, art that matches the sofas in the Oval
Office.  Ask for what you want, Jesse, so that men and women
of conscience can mobilize against it, as we do against the
human rights violations of other countries, and fight to
free our own country's dissidents.

                      IF YOU'RE QUEER,

   Queers are under siege.
   Queers are being attacked on all fronts and I'm afraid
it's ok with us.
   In 1969, there were 50 "Queer Bashings" in the month of
May alone. Violent attacks, 3,720 men, women and children
died of AIDS in the same month, caused by a more violent
attack --- government inaction, rooted in society's growing
homophobia.  This is institutionalized violence, perhaps
more dangerous to the existence of queers because the
attackers are faceless.  We allow these attacks by our own
continued lack of action against them.  AIDS has affected
the straight world and now they're blaming us for AIDS and
using it as a way to justify their violence against us.
They don't want us anymore.  They will beat us, rape us and
kill us before they will continue to live with us.  What

                                                            5

will it take for this not to be ok?  Feel some rage. If rage
doesn't empower you, try fear.  If that doesn't work, try
panic.

                         SHOUT IT!

   Be proud.  Do whatever you need to do to tear yourself
away from your customary state of acceptance.  Be free.
Shout.
   In 1969, Queers fought back.  In 1990, Queers say ok.
Next year, will we be here?

                         I HATE ...

   I hate Jesse Helms.  I hate Jesse Helms so much I'd
rejoice if he dropped down dead.  If someone killed him I'd
consider it his own fault.
   I hate Ronald Reagan, too, because he mass-murdered my
people for eight years.  But to be honest, I hate him even
more for eulogizing Ryan White without first admitting his
guilt, without begging forgiveness for Ryan's death and for
the deaths of tens of thousands of other PWA's --- most of
them queer.  I hate him for making a mockery of our grief.
   I hate the fucking Pope, and I hate John fucking Cardinal
fucking O'Connor, and I hate the whole fucking Catholic
Church. The same goes for the Military, and especially for
Amerika's Law Enforcement Officials --- the cops --- state
sanctioned sadists who brutalize street transvestites,
prostitutes and queer prisoners.  I also hate the medical
and mental health establishments, particularly the
psychiatrist who conviced me not to have sex with men for
three years until we (meaning he) could make me bisexual
rather than queer.  I also hate the education profession,
for its share in driving thousands of queer teens to suicide
every year.  I hate the "respectable" art world;  and the
entertainment industry, and the mainstream media, especially
The New York Times.  In fact, I hate every sector of the
straight establishment in this country --- the worst of whom
actively want all queers dead, the best of whom never stick
their necks out to keep us alive.
   I hate straight people who think they have anything
intelligent to say about "outing."  I hate straight people
who think stories about themselves are "universal" but
stories about us are only about homosexuality.  I hate
straight recording artists who make their careers off of
queer people, then attack us, then act hurt when we get
angry and then deny having wronged us rather than apologize
for it.  I hate straight people who say, "I don't see why
you feel the need to wear those buttons and t-shirts.  I
don't go around telling the whole world I'm straight."
   I hate that in twelve years of public education I was
never taught about queer people.  I hate that I grew up
thinking I was the only queer in the world, and I hate even
more that most queer kids still grow up the same way.  I

                                                            6

hate that I was tormented by other kids for being a faggot,
but more that I was taught to feel ashamed for being the
object of their cruelty, taught to feel it was my fault.  I
hate that the Supreme Court of this country says it's okay
to criminalize me because of how I make love.  I hate that
so many straight people are so concerned about my goddamned
sex life.  I hate that so many twisted straight people
become parents, while I have to fight like hell to be
allowed to be a father.  I hate straights.
   WHERE ARE YOU SISTERS?
 I wear my pink triangle everywhere.  I do not lower my
voice  in public when talking about lesbian love or sex.  I
always  tell people I'm a lesbian.  I don't wait to be asked
about  my "boyfriend."  I don't say it's "no one's
business."
 I don't do this for straight people.  Most of them don't
know what the pink triangle even means.  Most of them
couldn't  care less that my girlfriend and I are totally in
love or  having a fight on the street.  Most of them don't
notice us  no matter what we do.  I do what I do to reach
other lesbians.  I do what I do because I don't want
lesbians to assume I'm a  straight girl.  I am out all the
time, everywhere, because  I WANT TO REACH YOU.  Maybe
you'll notice me, maybe we'll  start talking, maybe we'll
exchange numbers, maybe we'll become  friends.  Maybe we
won't say a word but our eyes will meet  and I will imagine
you naked, sweating, openmouthed, your  back arched as I am
fucking you.  And we'll be happy to  know we aren't the only
ones in the world.  We'll be happy  because we found each
other, without saying a word, maybe  just for a moment. But
no.
 You won't wear a pink triangle on that linen lapel.  You
won't  meet my eyes if I flirt with you on the street.  You
avoid me  on the job because I'm "too" out.  You chastise me
in bars  because I'm "too political."  You ignore me in
public because  I bring "too much" attention to "my"
lesbianism.  But then  you want me to be your lover, you
want me to be your friend,  you want me to love you,
support, you, fight for "OUR" right  to exist.

                       WHERE ARE YOU?

  You talk, talk, talk about invisibility and then retreat
to  your homes to nest with your lovers or carouse in a bar
with pals  and stumble home in a cab or sit silently and
politely by while  your family, your boss, your neighbors,
your public servants  distort and disfigure us, deride us
and punish us.  Then home  again and you feel like
screaming.  Then you pad your anger with a  relationship or
a career or a party with other dykes like you  and still you
wonder why we can't find each other, why you feel  lonely,
angry, alienated.

                 GET UP, WAKE UP SISTERS!!

                                                            7

   Your life is in your hands.
   When I risk it all to be out, I risk it for both of us.
When  I risk it all and it works (which it often does if you
would  try it), I benefit and so do you.  When it doesn't
work, I suffer  and you do not.
 But girl you can't wait for other dykes to make the world
safe  for you.  STOP waiting for a better more lesbian
future!  The  revolution could be here if we started it.
 Where are you sisters? I'm trying to find you, I'm trying
to find you.  How come I only see you on Gay Pride Day?
 We're OUT, Where the fuck are YOU?

                                                            8

   WHEN ANYONE ASSAULTS YOU FOR BEING QUEER, IT IS QUEER
                      BASHING. RIGHT?

     A crowd of 50 people exit a gay bar as it closes.
Across the street, some straight boys are shouting "Faggots"
and throwing beer bottles at the gathering, which outnumbers
them by 10 to 1. Three queers make a move to respond,
getting no support from the group.  Why did a group this
size allow themselves to be sitting ducks?
   Tompkins Square Park, Labor Day.  At an annual outdoor
concert/drag show, a group of gay men were harassed by teens
carrying sticks. In the midst of thousands of gay men and
lesbians, these straight boys beat two gay men to the
ground, then stood around triumphantly laughing amongst
themselves.  The emcee was alerted and warned the crowd from
the stage, "You girls be careful.  When you dress up it
drives the boys crazy," as if it were a practical joke
inspired by what the victims were wearing rather than a
pointed attack on anyone and everyone at that event.
   What would it have taken for that crowd to stand up to
its attackers?
   After James Zappalorti, an openly gay man, was murdered
in cold blood on Staten Island this winter, a single
demonstration was held in protest.  Only one hundred people
came.  When Yuseuf Hawkins, a black youth, was shot to death
for being on "white turf" in Bensonhurst, African Americans
marched through that neighborhood in large numbers again and
again.  A black person was killed BECAUSE HE WAS BLACK, and
people of color throughout the city recognized it and acted
on it.  The bullet that hit Hawkins was meant for a black
man, ANY black man.  Do most gays and lesbians think that
the knife that punctured Zappalorti's heart was meant only
for him?
   The straight world has us so convinced that we are
helpless and deserving victims of the violence against us,
that queers are immobilized when faced with a threat.  BE
OUTRAGED!  These attacks must not be tolerated.  DO
SOMETHING.  Recognize that any act of aggression against any
member of our community is an attack on every member of the
community.  The more we allow homophobes to inflict
violence, terror and fear on our lives, the more frequently
and ferociously we will be the object of their hatred.  Your

immeasurably valuable, because unless you start believing
that, it can easily be taken from you.  If you know how to
gently and efficiently immobilize your attacker, then by all
means, do it.  If you lack those skills, then think about
gouging out his fucking eyes, slamming his nose back into
his brain, slashing his throat with a broken bottle --- do
whatever you can, whatever you have to, to save your life!

                                                            9

     reeuQ yhW
     Queer!

   Ah, do we really have to use that word?  It's trouble.
Every gay person has his or her own take on it.  For some it
means strange and eccentric and kind of mysterious.  That's
okay, we like that.  But some gay girls and boys don't.
They think they're more normal than strange.  And for others
"queer" conjures up those awful memories of adolescent
suffering.  Queer. It's forcibly bittersweet and quaint at
best --- weakening and painful at worst.  Couldn't we just
use "gay" instead?  It's a much brighter word and isn't it
synonymous with "happy?" When will you militants grow up and
get over the novelty of being different?

                         WHY  QUEER

   Well, yes, "gay " is great.  It has its place.  But when
a lot of lesbians and gay men wake up in the morning we feel
angry and disgusted, not gay.  So we've chosen to call
ourselves queer. Using "queer" is a way of reminding us how
we are perceived by the rest of the world.  It's a way of
telling ourselves we don't have to be witty and charming
people who keep our lives discreet and marginalized in the
straight world.  We use queer as gay men loving lesbians and
lesbians loving being queer.
   Queer, unlike GAY, doesn't mean MALE.
   And when spoken to other gays and lesbians it's a way of
suggesting we close ranks, and forget (temporarily) our
individual differences because we face a more insidious
common enemy.  Yeah, QUEER can be a rough word but it is
also a sly and ironic weapon we can steal from the
homophobe's hands and use against him.

                       NO SEX POLICE

   For anyone to say that coming out is not part of the
revolution is missing the point.  Positive sexual images and
what they manifest saves lives because they affirm those
lives and make it possible for people to attempt to live as
self-loving instead of self-loathing.  As the famous "Black
is beautiful" slogan changed many lives, so does "Read my
lips" affirm queerness in the face of hatred and
invisibility as displayed in a recent governmental study of
suicides that states at least one third of all teen suicides
are Queer kids.  This is further exemplified by the rise in
HIV transmission among those under 21.
   We are most hated as queers for our sexualness, that is,
our physical contact with the same sex.  Our sexuality and
sexual expression are what makes us most susceptible to
physical violence. Our difference, our otherness, our
uniqueness can either paralyze us or politicize us.
Hopefully, the majority of us will not let it kill us.

                                                            10

                        QUEER SPACE

   Why in the world do we let heteros into queer clubs?  Who
gives a fuck if they like us because we "really know how to
party?" WE HAVE TO IN ORDER TO BLOW OFF THE STEAM THEY MAKE
US FEEL ALL THE TIME!  They make out wherever they please,
and take up too much room on the dance floor doing
ostentatious couples dances. They wear their heterosexuality
like a "Keep Out" sign, or like a deed of ownership.
   Why the fuck do we tolerate them when they invade our
space like it's their right?  Why do we let them shove
heterosexuality --- a weapon their world wields against us -
-- right in our faces in the few public spots where we can
be sexy with each other and not fear attack?
   It's time to stop letting the straight people make all
the rules.  Let's start by posting this sign outside every
queer club and bar:

            RULES OF CONDUCT FOR STRAIGHT PEOPLE

     1. Keep your display of affection (kissing,
handholding,  embracing) to a minimum.  Your sexuality is
unwanted and  offensive to many here.  2. If you must slow
dance, be as inconspicuous as possible.  3. Do not gawk or
stare at lesbians or gay men, especially  bull dykes or drag
queens.  We are not your entertainment.  4. If you cannot
comfortably deal with someone of the same sex making a pass
at you, get out.  5. Do not flaunt your heterosexuality.  Be
Discreet.  Risk  being mistaken for a lezzie or a homo.  6.
If you feel these rules are unfair, go fight homophobia in
straight clubs, or:  7. Go Fuck Yourself.

                      I HATE STRAIGHTS

   I have friends.  Some of them are straight.
   Year after year, I see my straight friends.  I want to
see them, to see how they are doing, to add newness to our
long and complicated histories, to experience some
continuity. Year after year I continue to realize that the
facts of my life are irrelevant to them and that I am only
half listened to, that I am an appendage to the doings of a
greater world, a world of power and privilege, of the laws
of installation, a world of exclusion.  "That's not true,"
argue my straight friends.  There is the one certainty in
the politics of power: those left out of it beg for
inclusion, while the insiders claim that they already are.
Men do it to women, whites do it to blacks, and everyone
does it to queers.  The main dividing line, both conscious
and unconscious, is procreation ...  and that magic word ---
Family.  Frequently, the ones we are born into disown us
when they find out who we really are, and to make matters
worse, we are prevented from having our own.  We are
punished, insulted, cut off, and treated like seditionaries

                                                            11

in terms of child rearing, both damned if we try and damned
if we abstain.  It's as if the propagation of the species is
such a fragile directive that without enforcing it as if it
were an agenda, humankind would melt back into the primeval
ooze.
   I hate having to convice straight people that lesbians
and gays live in a war zone, that we're surrounded by bomb
blasts only we seem to hear, that our bodies and souls are
heaped high, dead from fright or bashed or raped, dying of
grief or disease, stripped of our personhood.
   I hate straight people who can't listen to queer anger
without saying "hey, all straight people aren't like that.
I'm straight too, you know," as if their egos don't get
enough stroking or protection in this arrogant, heterosexist
world. Why must we take care of them, in the midst of our
just anger brought on by their fucked up society?!  Why add
the reassurance of "Of course, I don't mean you.  You don't
act that way." Let them figure out for themselves whether
they deserve to be included in our anger.
   But of course that would mean listening to our anger,
which they almost never do.  They deflect it, by saying "I'm
not like that" or "Now look who's generalizing" or "You'll
catch more flies with honey ... " or "If you focus on the
negative you just give out more power" or "you're not the
only one in the world who's suffering."  They say "Don't
yell at me, I'm on your side" or "I think you're
overreacting" or "BOY, YOU'RE BITTER."
   They've taught us that good queers don't get mad.
They've taught us so well that we not only hide our anger
from them, we hide it from each other.  WE EVEN HIDE IT FROM
OURSELVES. We hide it with substance abuse and suicide and
overarhcieving in the hope of proving our worth.  They bash
us and stab us and shoot us and bomb us in ever increasing
numbers and still we freak out when angry queers carry
banners or signs that say BASH BACK.  For the last decade
they let us die in droves and still we thank President Bush
for planting a fucking tree, applaud him for likening PWAs
to car accident victims who refuse to wear seatbelts.  LET
YOURSELF BE ANGRY.  Let yourself be angry that the price of
our visibility is the constant threat of violence, anti-
queer violence to which practically every segment of this
society contributes.  Let yourself feel angry that THERE IS
NO PLACE IN THIS COUNTRY WHERE WE ARE SAFE, no place where
we are not targeted for hatred and attack, the self-hatred,
the suicide --- of the closet.  The next time some straight
person comes down on you for being angry, tell them that
until things change, you don't need any more evidence that
the world turns at your expense.  You don't need to see only
hetero couple grocery shopping on your TV ...  You don't
want any more baby pictures shoved in your face until you
can have or keep your own.  No more weddings, showers,
anniversaries, please, unless they are our own brothers and
sisters celebrating. And tell them not to dismiss you by
saying "You have rights," "You have privileges," "You're

                                                            12

overreacting," or "You have a victim's mentality."  Tell
them "GO AWAY FROM ME, until YOU can change."  Go away and
try on a world without the brave, strong queers that are its
backbone, that are its guts and brains and souls.  Go tell
them go away until they have spent a month walking hand in
hand in public with someone of the same sex.  After they
survive that, then you'll hear what they have to say about
queer anger.
   Otherwise, tell them to shut up and listen.